Vignette - I don't wanna be me…

i don't wanna be me she said, unconvinced. or unconvincingly. i couldn't tell. too little bread and too many wine. embarrassed now. spilling secrets with the wine. time to stop but still it comes. friends in drips of bottles scraping the last drop. my glass epic and unending. a cunning plan bar stupor.

she reaches. less with body than with will. pulling me into her. emptying all the misery of weeks gone by into a reckless lunge. connecting full force with my own desperation. a dented libido. her need, the same need, now burning within me. we graze each other passing. rueful at the outset but realisation dawning, drowning my mind. here, now, tonight at least, this someone wants me. this someone real. drunk and messy. this someone…

sometime later, she's creeping out. denial seeping out of her. she wants her liberation but's too reticent to ask. burdened with the shame of wanting and the guilt of getting.